Are you a people-pleaser? Well, I am guilty of being an extreme people-pleaser. I remember being the one the family could call on for anything. At first, I did not mind being the go-to person. I love helping people. It’s a joy to be of service to others. People would call me and ask me to do this. I would say, “Sure, no problem.” People would volunteer me for events. I loved being needed in other people’s lives. I would lend out money, let people borrow things, let people come over to my house and wash their clothes. I was there and available to family and friends.

After having my first daughter, my life shifted and I started to realize I did not get the same love I was putting out there. I started feeling alone and I became resentful, slightly harboring this hate within me. I stopped being so supportive of others, felt bad that I was not supporting and then it just became toxic. Soon I was feeling obligated to attend events and do things for others. I did not just know how to say no to other people. I became an extreme people-pleaser.

Trying to overcome this negative attitude, I told myself there is no blessing in doing things you don’t want to do. So I started going to things that I wanted to go to instead of feeling obligated to attend events. However, I made exemptions for close friends and family. They were my weak spots. I still did not have any boundaries with them. I would still do things family and friends wanted me to do, unable to tell them no, at my own expense. Saying no was so hard.

After getting pregnant with my second daughter, I completely changed into a different person. I went into solitude and I started loving myself like never before. I began my self-love journey by filling my own cup before I could fill anybody else’s cup. I realized it’s important that I show up for myself because if I am there for other people all the time, I will barely have time for myself.

The truth is, I am such a supporter and I love to see people win, even the people that don’t like me. I have had people demand my energy to show up at their events, support them and acknowledge them. I have volunteered my suffering, doing things I didn’t want to do but felt like I should because others wanted me to. I was pleasing others and not taking care of myself.

I have sacrificed a lot being a people-pleaser. It became so frustrating when it dawned on me that people only liked the light within me but not me as a person— they only wanted my light at their events. They would search me out—people I had not spoken to, seen, or heard from in a while and invite me to their events. I had to stop showing up and giving my energy away so easily. I started to treat my energy and time as currencies.

After saying yes to everyone for years, I was truly saying no to myself and I did not know it. I went into solitude, distanced myself from family, and let many friends go because I was exhausted and drained. I was giving so much of myself to others—people who did not love me… people who didn’t return the energy I was giving.

To overcome my people-pleasing habit, I chose to have a relationship with myself before I could have a relationship with anybody else. I started healing and forgiving others and myself—letting go of the baggage, living within myself. I committed myself to do things I wanted to do—things I felt were right within. I made sure I was in good energy and spirit and my cup was full before going out into the world. Now I do not feel bad when I say no to others because this means I am saying yes to myself.

When I was an extreme people-pleaser, my whole life was lacking; I didn’t have time for my house, my daughter, or self-care because everybody outside of me got a yes but everything in my house and around me got a no.

After my second daughter, I changed my life for the better and put my needs and my girls’ needs first. I no longer wanted to be needed by just anybody, or feel obligated to others. I started enjoying life, not feel guilty for saying yes to me.

Having a relationship with myself—finding forgiveness and healing in the process—is the key to everything positive around me. The love I have for myself began to reflect on those around me. I created boundaries, putting my needs and my girls’ needs first. It was only then I could help others with so much joy and love. While I love my family and friends, I no longer have this deep desire to be needed or used by them.

I enjoy giving; it’s so fulfilling for me. However, I have learned to give on fertile ground and not to give with expectations that I must. I give because I want to give, and when I don’t want to give, I don’t give because there is no blessing in that anyway.

I am grateful for the person I am today and I would not change my people-pleasing experience because it has taught me so much. I have to admit that I created this negative habit myself because I was a nosey child, and that led me into my adulthood. In my younger days, I wanted to know people’s business, ask questions, allowing myself to be distracted and engulfed in their lives. Their issues, their problems and drama started reflecting in my life. I could not distinguish my own emotions from other people’s emotions. I took on other people’s burdens and I could see my life resembling their lives.  For instance, my cousin used to talk about how broke she was and after a while I would chime in like, “me too” even if I’m not broke.

Energy is contagious and I was around the drama. The fact is, I was there for other people but not in a healthy way. I love to help others, but I had to figure out a healthy way to do it without my life suffering so much.

On my spiritual path, I recognized I am an empath and a highly sensitive person (I am planning to write a blog on my journey of being an empath). So, yes, I attracted a lot of narcissists and vampires in my life. Moving spiritually has been the best decision in my life. I did not understand energy until after my spiritual awakening, allowing me to realize how contagious energy is.

Today I have become mindful of where I put my energy and my attention. For me to get more positive things in my life, I had to start with myself and my thoughts before the world around me can change for the better. I now protect my energy and my spirit body. Our spirit body is no different from our physical body. Both need to be protected.

Today I am so free in my world. All my life I have been engulfed in other people’s lives more than my own, adopting external negative vibes and energies in my life. Now real happiness is truly within my world. I have been exploring and enjoying my inner world. My life is beautiful. I can say I am living in my own little heaven.

I remember wanting to die because my old world was full of so much hell. I did not know how to let people go. I couldn’t escape from the pain and suffering. I felt trapped in my old world and ego, living the way of the outside world. Now I enjoy telling myself yes, and my soul has become satisfied. I am no longer miserable and my heart feels so free.

My soul suffered for a long time because I was telling others yes and myself no. While human beings are programmed to live from the outside world and seek validation, try as much as you can to live from your soul. We are all here for a different reason. No one deserves to be judged or criticized for following his or her own blueprint of life. Live and love life to the fullest. Enjoy every moment.

When you live from your soul, your body experiences freedom and happiness.

I look forward to hearing from you, talking to you, connecting with you, and staying enlightening with you.

 #befree #bealight #loveandlight

Denetria Brijel

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